I missed my timing for writing yesterday, thus this is a day late. But nevertheless, having a entire day letting the topic stew in the back of my mind kinda make me clearer about writing what’s close to my heart.
An occurring theme in my life is to learn to lose attachments. In the arena of love. I fell deeply in love twice, both where I felt all I wanted was to give my heart and soul to those persons and wishing desperately that they can return in kind. But only that they could not. Neither did they lead me on, they were kind and patience with me and my misplaced desires and that helped because eventually I could see the bigger lesson I needed to learn… when the flames of desire and attachments burned themselves out; that what I really needed was to love myself. Love myself as deeply as I love them.
And now, I’m starting to feel desire again, and this time round it’s still the same lesson, to love all those dark and unloved bits of myself, bits that I had mentally shut away and somehow partially denied them. Also because I lack the clarity to see my own walls of defences. So the deep lesson is to reclaim and love the dark, secret bits of myself, bits that I need to hide, or make into a better person, etc. Because there was never any need to make a better person, I am here and now and this is the whole of me.